A Load of Laughs

 

In honor of “Tell an Old Joke Day” on July 24th, I figured we should leave the serious behind for a moment and get a good laugh, or two.

1. “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“A broken pencil.”

“A broken pencil who?”

“Never mind, it’s pointless.”1

 2. “Two cannibals were eating a clown - one said to the other, ‘Does he taste funny to you?’” –Tommy Cooper2

 3. “One-armed butlers—they can take it but they can’t dish it out.” –Tim Vine

4. “I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.” –Spike Milligan

5. “Toughest job I ever had – selling doors, door to door.” –Bill Bailey

6. “How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?” –Steven Wright

7. “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Europe.”

“Europe who?”

“No, you’re a poo.”

8. “When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did – not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.” – Bob Monkhouse

9. “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall.” – Mitch Hedberg

10. “I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered ‘French Toast during the Renaissance.’” - Peter Kay

11. “Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Cow go.”

“Cow go who?”

“No silly, cows go moo.”

12. “I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful?...No, she says she’d rather it in a cup!” – Eric Morecambe

13. “Did you hear about the shrimp that went to the prawn’s cocktail party? He pulled a mussell.” – Ken Dodd

14. “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” –Nick Helm

15. “Will you remember me in a year?”

“Yes.”

“Will you remember me in a month?”

“Yes.”

“Will you remember me in a week?”

“Yes.”

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“See, you forgot me already.”

Post your favorite joke in the comments below, and keep the laughter going!